


365 days as Holt's boss (An Amy Santiago story)

by SwirlsOfBlueJay



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Amy Santiago-centric, Amy wants kids, Amy's going to get Holt back to captain if it kills her, Angst, Character Study, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Slice of Life, The one where Amy is Holt's boss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22531087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwirlsOfBlueJay/pseuds/SwirlsOfBlueJay
Summary: It’s unfair. It’s so unfair. And she can’t do this, doesn’t know how to do this; doesn’t want to do this. There’s a voice telling her that this is an opportunity and just things coming full circle.But this isn’t circular. A circle is her going from being Holt’s mentee and working her way up, with his support and help, but under her own power, to becoming sergeant and mentoring her own underlings. A circle is her growing from Holt’s desperate-to-please subordinate to his secure-in-herself friend. She’s the one who put the work in to get herself from A to B, but there’s no way she would’ve had the space to do so without Holt’s guidance.This isn’t a circle. And if it is then circles are garbage.“I don’t want to go in to work today.”“Okay, just stay here with me, we can just stay in bed, we won’t even shower, we’ll just lie here buried in the crumbs of the breakfast we eat, all sweaty and sticky.”It sounds gross, and she wants it anyway, and she loves how it’s exactly what she needs to hear.(A slice of life fic following Amy Santiago as she juggles trying to get her new officer, Holt, back to Captain again, planning a family with Jake, and preparing for the next stage in her career).
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Ray Holt & Amy Santiago
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	365 days as Holt's boss (An Amy Santiago story)

_Day 0_

No. Is Amy’s first thought. No. This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. It’s insane. Captain Holt is one of the best captains in the NYPD, was on the short-list to be commissioner last year. They can’t just strip him down to beat cop. But it’s confirmed; this isn’t a dream or mistake or prank or easily reversible attack. This is happening. She feels nauseated, her emotions a maelstrom of horror, disbelief, outrage, upset and despair.

Then the realisation strikes, and oh it’s so much worse: she’s going to be his boss.

And then she’s having a panic attack.

Jake’s ushering her away to a safe place before anyone can notice. He knows she hates people seeing her in the middle of an attack and also knows she’ll feel horrible later if she makes this all about her when clearly it’s about Holt.

His hands move soothing circles into her back and she hugs him, fingers digging sharply into his shoulder-blades; clinging. She squeezes her eyes shut. And waits for it to pass.

“I need a cigarette,” she says.

Usually Jake’s response would be to bring her patches. This time he brings her a pack of cigarettes and says nothing.

*

She makes a list. She makes a binder. She gets together all the information she already has. She needs to make a plan.

She’s staring blankly at piles of paper and spreadsheets and open binder rings. Jake’s hands are massaging her shoulders, silently telling her he’s here for her if she needs him, silently telling her she needs to give herself permission to take a break. She hums gratefully (partly for the massage but that’s just Jake being Jake, mostly for the silence which is definitely not Jake being Jake) but gives herself only a moment for it. She doesn’t have time.

_Day 1_

Amy Santiago does not snooze her alarm. It’s one of the irrefutable laws of the universe: up is up, down is down, and Amy will get out of bed the first time her alarm rings. This is to maximise both sleep and efficiency regarding getting ready.

Today however, she stands up as it rings and then sinks back down, hits the snooze button and rolls over to cuddle her husband (whose own alarm won’t go off for about half an hour despite them starting at the same time).

It’s Holt’s first day as an officer under her command.

It’s unfair. It’s so unfair. And she can’t do this, doesn’t know how to do this; doesn’t want to do this. There’s a voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Victor Santiago telling her that this is an opportunity and just things coming full circle.

(There’s a drop of elation somewhere, sitting quiet at the back of her teeth, excitement, the ultimate chance to prove herself, she doesn’t give it space to grow).

But this isn’t circular. A circle is her going from being Holt’s mentee and working her way up, with his support and help, but under her own power, to becoming sergeant and mentoring her own underlings. A circle is her growing from Holt’s desperate-to-please subordinate to his secure-in-herself friend. She’s the one who put the work in to get herself from A to B, but there’s no way she would’ve had the space to do so without Holt’s guidance.

This isn’t a circle. And if it is then circles are garbage.

“I don’t want to go in to work today.”

“Okay, just stay here with me, we can just stay in bed, we won’t even shower, we’ll just lie here buried in the crumbs of the breakfast we eat, all sweaty and sticky.”

It sounds gross, and she wants it anyway, and she loves how it’s exactly what she needs to hear.

She sits up, and straddles Jake, “Okay, I’ll go in, but can I get some stress relief first to get me through the day?”

Jake grins, resting his hands on her hips. “Happy to oblige.”

*

“Sargent Santiago.”

She almost lets the ‘sir’ slip past her lips but stops herself. “Officer Holt.”

“Do you have an assignment for me?”

“Traffic control on the corner at Flatbush,” she manages to state as if this is just an ordinary officer she’s ordering, but then only a second passes before she’s compelled to add, “Unless you feel there’s another placement that is more suitable?” 

Holt gives her an assessing look. “Would you ask any of your other officers that question?”

“None of my other officers have over a decades experience assigning cases,” Amy replies, holding her head up high.

“Sargent, I know this is a difficult situation. Don’t be afraid to act as my superior, that’s what you are now.”

“It just feels so wrong. It is so wrong.” 

“It’s not ideal. However, I already know you are better than most of the superiors I’ve had, it will be an honour to report to you.”

Amy smiles. “Thank you.”

“This could be a valuable learning experience for the both of us.” 

_Day 3_

Amy has a checklist that she uses to have a discussion with every new officer in her charge. She had initially gone back and forth on whether or not it was worth doing one with Holt before settling on not. It would at best be useless, at worst be taken as disrespectful and an insult. She assuaged her guilt over treating him differently by telling herself the checklist wasn’t necessary. But as much as Holt seemed well in front of her, he was incredibly despondent when she wasn’t looking, hopeless. (Also Holt didn’t know how her team worked and how she liked things to run, and it was probably worth a mention). And as the second day had drawn to a close Amy had decided that maybe it would have some value after all.

“Holt. I’ve blocked out some time for us to have a discussion,” she tells him the morning of his third day as an officer.

He nods and follows her.

As they both take a seat in a private room, she says, “I usually have this discussion with all of my new officers and have neglected to do so with you as I believe most of it goes without saying, but I’ve decided it should still take place.” 

Holt blinks 0.3 seconds quicker. He’s surprised. “Very well. I did say you should treat me as you would any of your other officers. There’s always value in following correct procedure.”

The tension in Amy’s shoulders dissipates and she forces herself to not sit so straight. She’s found, despite her mentor’s teachings, that there are times good posture can be counterproductive. 

She starts with a run-down of how things work with the officers, including patrolling schedules, time off, and a litany of other things including the extra nudge their coffee maker needs.

Holt nods when she finishes and says, “A very efficient system.”

She can tell he’s holding back the slight inflection that would deem the words actual praise, because that would be inappropriate, and it makes her gut twinge slightly again at the situation.

“Next, I would like to discuss what your goals are,” Amy manages to not say the words in a weird way or anything; she thinks she should get points for that.

Here she gets a full on eyebrow raise in response.

“Part of my role as your supervisor is to help you reach your goals. I know getting you back your captaincy and getting you to commissioner may seem out of my remit. But I managed to get my husband out of prison a couple of years ago, so don’t count me out just yet.”

Holt smiles ever so slightly. “If I know anything, it’s to not underestimate you. I appreciate your help.”

She nods, and looks back at the checklist, crossing the next items out, “Irrelevant, irrelevant, irrelevant.”

“If I may, might it be worth going over them anyway, just to ensure everything is correctly covered?”

Amy smiles. “Well, this one is about you.” She makes a mental note to update that later, “And this one is about ethical policing, showing no bias in stops and so on.” 

“Ah.”

“And the third one is about Jake,” and here she pauses, because as much as she’s been worried about how this whole thing is going to affect her relationship with Holt she’s actually even more worried about Jake’s relationship with him. “I of course want you to feel comfortable to come to me if you’re having an issue with anything or anyone, including Jake, but of course if you decide to go over my head regarding anything concerning Jake I’ll understand.”

“Understood.” 

“Lastly, do you have any questions?”

“Not currently, but I will let you know if I do in the future.”

_Day 5_

He’s devastated with the whole situation, of course, and he could easily wallow, be stubborn and curt and refuse to accept his new position. But he already knows how bad this could be for Santiago, he’s watched her work hard and struggle over the last few years to become the great and well-respected Sargent she is today. And he knows however she deals with this, any awkwardness or brown-nosing regression that arises, could seriously set her back in the eyes of her officers. He’s not going to let that happen.

Still, the last few days have been disheartening. He’s the epitome of a good officer. (Though there are also some things he has to be taught. Things have changed in the decades since he was last here).

He of course does have increased knowledge due to his experience, but when he has some advice to give he does so in private, away from prying ears. Santiago listens to his words readily as always, but also has the confidence to still form her own decision and go against him when she deems necessary. He couldn’t be prouder. Except when he’s right and she’s being an idiot:

In particular he has noticed her relationship with Officer Jennings over several interactions now and knows he must say something.

*

“Your attempts at getting Gary to be less concerned with what you think of him are admirable, but you may be being a little too harsh.”

The words feel like a blow and for a moment she just stares at Holt before saying sharply, “That’s none of your concern, _officer_.”

The truth is it hits a sore spot. Looking at Gary often feels like she’s looking through an old mirror at a younger version of herself. It sits against her ribs, a painful reminder of an incident she’s told no one, except her husband, about. She knows it’s unlikely Gary will ever find himself in a similar situation, but she sometimes can’t help but want to shake him, tell him he needs to be so much more careful. 

She shakes her head. “Sorry.”

Holt waves his hand. “No. I overstepped.”

*

Amy’s mind keeps drifting back to Holt’s words and she buries herself in work to avoid them. It’s almost ten by the time she leaves, Jake’s not in the bullpen, so she texts him to find out whether he’s home or not.

She wouldn’t usually check, they both have too many previous relationships littered with guilt-trips over working too late to send each other ‘when will you be home’ messages. But there’s something uniquely depressing about getting home to an empty apartment after ten.

(If she’s getting home at six or seven or eight it’s about fifty-fifty whether she’s going to be the first one home, and finding Jake there is a happy surprise. After ten, and she expects to be the second one home and it’s disappointing when she isn’t).

Her phone buzzes.

‘Home. Heading to bed soon though.’

Hot chocolate and a crossword puzzle it is then.

_Day 7_

As if her week isn’t stressful enough, she realises she might be pregnant. She wants to be happy about this. She should be happy about this. But she’s done the math. If she is pregnant, the baby will be due right before she’s due to take the lieutenants exam.

She sits on the toilet after peeing on the stick, waiting.

(She considers briefly whether she would get rid of it: a child that would be _wanted_ , a child that would be _so loved,_ that was pretty much _planned for_ , just a little early, just because it didn’t fit in her _schedule._

And she thinks she can’t do this, can’t be a mother at all, there’s always going to be something and she doesn’t want to be the type of mother who tries to schedule in her children at convenient times around work: they obviously need to be the priority. But she also can’t afford to give up that much control. Maybe Jake was right in the first place after all when he said kids didn’t fit in with their working lives).

The test is negative.

She starts crying: in relief and in frustration and in anger.

Then she gets up, cleans her face and texts her husband, ‘Can we talk tonight?’


End file.
